If you’ve been on Facebook at any point in the last two weeks (and who hasn’t?) then you’ve probably come across a trend that’s been spreading like the plague. I’m referring to the “25 Random Things About Me” note, in which a person is tasked with devising a list of miscellaneous trivia about himself or herself and “tagging” as many people as they see fit to read their list and make a similar one of their own. I’ll admit that I have read each and every one of these notes that’s come across my radar, and have enjoyed them immensely. What’s more fun than learning things about a friend or acquaintance that you might not have known before?
Yet for some reason I can’t shake the feeling, deep in my soul, that this is wrong, wrong, wrong. Worse, it exposes one of the uglier and more narcissistic tendencies of social networking that has accompanied its great and various benefits: the marketing of “me.”
We live in a culture that places an inordinate amount of importance on the concept of “self.” Self-improvement, self-help, self-healing, self-serve, self-checkout and so forth. We dedicate entire bookstore sections to the first concept in particular (former CBS news producer Dick Meyer articulates this problem quite nicely in his wonderful 2008 book “Why We Hate Us: American Discontent in the New Millennium”). Very little emphasis is placed on others – it’s all about how high “I” can climb, what “I” can achieve, how “I” can reach “my” potential. Social networking, and Facebook in particular, exemplifies another “self”-centered concept that the “25 Things” list only exacerbates: self-promotion.
Facebook forces one to spend time creating a personal profile – inherently self-serving, but a necessary evil – and then to promote this profile outward to a network of friends, contacts, etc., in the hopes that people will read this information and learn something about the person that created it. Of course, one of the joys of social networking is viewing other people’s information and getting the various updates on what they’ve been doing or thinking about. But how much time are most users spending thinking about themselves in order to keep their profiles updated and ensure that their networks are getting the latest and greatest information about them?
The “25 Things” note takes this to an absurd level. It requires the writer to spend enough time thinking about himself or herself so that he or she can come up with an interesting and varied list of – 25! – things they think are interesting enough for people to want to know. Why not make it 50, or 100?
At its best, social networking is capable of connecting people across vast spaces in ways that were previously thought impossible. But it’s easy to let the more self-serving aspects of it get the better of us, and this is a line I believe the “25 Things” list crosses.
The dirty little secret is that most of us spend an unreasonable amount of our day thinking about ourselves. It’s unavoidable. We’re the center of our universe. But is this something we should really be celebrating? Shouldn’t we be spending more time thinking about how we can help others, make others’ lives easier or make others feel special?
I don’t want make too big a deal out of this. I’m pretty sure that not a single person who has created a “25 Things” list has done so out of any conscious narcissism or feeling of self-importance. And as stated previously, there isn’t a single one of these lists that I’ve read that I haven’t enjoyed thoroughly.
But I won’t do it. I’ve got to draw the line somewhere. If you’re really interested in finding out some interesting miscellaneous trivia about me, give me a call and ask me (you’ve got my number).
Or, better yet, how about I buy you a beer and ask you all about yourself instead? Yeah, let’s do that. That works better for me.
By Mark Van Hook